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► Whatever happened to the young miscreant collared by Sir Bernard Hogan-Howe in the first episode of the Beeb’s creatively titled police documentary The Met? Viewers will recall the scallywag was suspected of swiping some cash from a taxi and scarpering, and the valiant Sir Bernard gave chase. It’s gratifying to know the case was actually pursued, and the lad pleaded guilty to making off without payment when he appeared at Highbury Mags. He received a six month conditional discharge and was ordered to pay £21 compensation and a £15 surcharge, plus £85 costs. 

► On the hottest day of the year, when temperatures soared nationwide, police dog handlers in West Yorkshire were surprised to find themselves in receipt of a large number of police-issue gloves intended for use during cold snaps. A source reliably informs me that the delivery was a mistake on the part of the force's suppliers, as opposed to the result of a zany order by the force.

► What do you do when you retire from the police? Raise cows of course! Former British Transport Police chief constable Andy Trotter, who served for a period as media supremo for the Association of Chief Police Officers, now owns several bovines. I’m told he grew up on a farm, so enjoys the bucolic idyll. Cue naff puns. With a name like Trotter, you’d think he’d own pigs, and so on. The cows reside in Sussex, while Mr Trotter lives over the border in Kent.

 Her Majesty’s Inspectorate of Constabulary’s latest report on British Transport Police makes for sobering reading. It states that some officers are declining cups of tea from local businesses because of confusion about what is permissible under stringent ethical rules. Apparently a muddle about which gifts can be accepted or declined, as well as processes for recording gifts and hospitality received, is to blame. 

► When a woman found herself locked in a lavatory because of a faulty door, Northumbria’s PCC Vera Baird dramatically flew into action. She attempted to aid the lady in her in escape from the loo with the help of a trusty screwdriver that she just happened to have been carrying around in her handbag. The incident took place at a conference about the future of police bail, but it is unclear whether the unfortunately incarcerated toilet user ever received her "bail" as this diarist had to leave the event before the rescue bid concluded.

► “Excuse me, I ate some coconut and it’s got stuck in my throat.” Thus spake the PCC for Derbyshire, Alan Charles. “I’m never going to eat coconut again.” His comments came as he appeared to struggle for breath during an interview about drugs policy. He is urging a rethink on police approaches to tackling drugs after his area’s chief constable Mick Creedon suggested there was no point locking up drug dealers because that simply left a gap in the illegal market that was immediately filled by other criminals. Comments like these might cause others to catch their breath - and not just because of a coconut. Lib Dem peer Brian Paddick, who campaigns for drug decriminalisation, said they went far beyond what he would advocate.

► Meanwhile in Cumbria, Richard Rhodes, another PCC, has apparently had to change his holiday plans because of some argy-bargy over a meeting. A councillor objected after realising a police and crime panel meeting clashed with a Town Hall event that a whip had ordered her to attend. She emailed panel members requesting that the gathering be postponed, prompting howls of protest. In the meantime, Mr Rhodes had set about planning his summer jolly, having been reliably informed that the meeting would not take place as originally scheduled. Alas, the outcry forced him into a volte-face.

► And finally, a little birdie tells me that police officers in one force area were dispatched to search for the chairman of the police and crime panel’s car after he forgot where he had parked it. How's that for dealing with more than just crime!

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